Repair and Reconciliation

Speech made by Tad Kelly at the concert held at the Mendelssohn Remise, Berlin, in June 2023 to acknowledge the second anniversary of the passing of the German citizenship reform

Good evening. For those of you who were unable to attend the event on Friday afternoon, my name is Tad Kelly and I live in Denver, Colorado in the United States. I am a member of the Article 116 Exclusions Group, and I am here because my mother-in-law, Ursula Lewandowski, received her German citizenship as a result of the changes to Article 116 under the Basic German Law.

Tad Kelly (left) with Julia Kelly, Filiz Polat, Emily Kelly, Isabelle Couchman, Felix Couchman, Felix Klein, Konstantin von Notz, Berlin June 2023

Felix and Isabelle have asked me to speak this evening about what I have learned from my work in repair and reconciliation. For the past five years, I have been active in the racial repair and reconciliation movement in the United Sates - focused on African-American and Native- American communities.

Thank you

But, before I do that, I would like to recognize two participants in this evening’s event who were unable to join us at the Reichstag building on Friday afternoon.

Hans Günter Löffler, former Head of legal and consular service in London who, in January 2019, was the very first representative of the German government to meet with Felix. This was just the beginning of the constructive relationship – nurtured by Herr Löffler - between the German government and the Article 116 Exclusions group which continues today under his successor, Darius Rahimi.

Stefan Schlüter, retired German diplomat who worked for almost 40 years in the German Foreign Office. Herr Schlüter collaborated very closely with Felix and Isabelle - and his extensive knowledge, expertise and experience were invaluable during the amendment process.

Thank you for your extraordinary contributions to the successful passing of the German citizenship reform act. Thank you both from the bottom our hearts.

While the work of the Article 116 exclusions group is ongoing, Felix and Isabelle have indicated that they would like to explore an evolution in the focus of their work towards reconciliation. Despite a worrisome increase in antisemitic incidents around the world, the German government and many German citizens have not only expressed an interest in repair and reconciliation but have taken continued action in that direction.

In terms of repair, the most obvious recent example is the amendment to Article 116 from which so many of us have benefitted. In terms of reconciliation, we need only look to the recent event hosted by Ambassador Berger at the embassy in London and this weekend’s twin events in Berlin.

Distinction between Repair and Reconciliation

I would like to take a moment to draw a distinction between repair and reconciliation.

The first important distinction is that repair can be unilateral. For example, if I borrow something from you, I might lose it or damage it. In some cases, I may be able to replace it, or fix it in a way that the damage is no longer perceptible. If I steal something tangible from you, I can return it. These are all unilateral actions that I can take. In many cases, I can restore the situation to its former state. But, only in a physical sense.

Something much more valuable - and difficult to replace - may have been lost: the trust between us. There are also cases where what has been lost is irreplaceable, in the most extreme cases, someone’s very life. No amount of financial compensation can ever fully repair the situation or the relationship. Even repair in a physical sense is not possible. In these situations, economic reparations coupled with genuine and pain staking reconciliation is the only possible path forward.

I will digress briefly to point out that the German Government has done much more in repair that the U.S. Government: payments to victims, amendments to the German Basic Law, numerous apologies and other acts of atonement. Who can forget the “Kniefall von Warschau”, the iconic image of Willy Brandt in 1970 falling to his knees at the commemoration event honoring the Jewish victims of the Warsaw Ghetto? Shamefully, the United States Government has taken none of these actions as it relates to its current and historical treatment of Black and Indigenous Americans.

Though far from easy, repair can be relatively straightforward as long as the wrongdoer is willing to take appropriate action. In contrast, reconciliation is much more challenging due to its complexity and multi-dimensionality. Reconciliation must almost always be preceded by acts of repair by the wrongdoer. Every act of repair is a step toward reconciliation. These are expressions of sincerity that demonstrate a desire to move in the direction of rebuilding trust. However, rebuilding trust that has been lost is one of the most difficult things we can attempt. How can we replace something that is irreplaceable? How can we repair something that is irreparable? How do we forgive the unforgiveable?

Thankfully, none of these is required to begin the process of reconciliation. What reconciliation does require - that repair does not - is the willing participation of all parties. It is a joint and voluntary process which must have the authentic engagement of members from the affected parties. It also requires open mindedness, open heartedness, sincerity, goodwill and perhaps most of all, courage.

Repair and reconciliation in many cultures, traditions and faiths

Repair and reconciliation are concepts that are well ingrained in many cultures, traditions and faiths.

Ho’oponopono, for example, reconciliation. This word correction or restoration. Ho’oponopono frequently involves the participation of a neutral third party – usually a respected elder in the community - who guides and mediates the process.

In Judaism, Teshuvah (tchu-vah) is the central theme of the ten days between the  translates into English simply as  Holy days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur again with those you have harmed.

– in the sense of becoming whole once is the traditional Hawaiian practice of . Typically, Teshuvah is translated from the  Hebrew as repentance, but it literally means return

In Zen Buddhism, similar reconciling practices help monastics resolve disputes in the community. Thich Nhat Hanh, the late spiritual leader and peace activist reminds us of the need to engage with one another as the starting point for reconciliation with these words, “know each other better to understand each other better to love each other better.”

These traditions, as with so many others like them, share the concept of returning something to a pre-existing state which was better than the one that now exists. They emphasize the need to jointly restore - through repair and reconciliation - a relationship to the place that it had previously occupied.

Reconciliation: Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good

Easily said, but not easily done. Even with the best of intentions, the process of reconciliation can be messy, and it can be awkward. It can be raw, emotional and even frightening.

And, lots of things get in the way of having the conversations necessary to work together towards a better relationship. Let me name just a few: anger, shame, guilt, fear, discomfort, insecurity, inertia, unrealistic expectations, impatience, not wanting to say the wrong thing, and, of course, not wanting to appear ignorant or foolish. This is why it is so important to approach this work with humility, to accept that we will make mistakes and that we still have much to learn. There is a saying in English that goes, “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.” It turns out that the pursuit of perfection is one of the biggest obstacles on the road to reconciliation.

It can be a difficult road, but more engagement like this – what we have all had the privilege to be a part of this weekend - is indispensable to the healing process that must take place. And, the rewards can be enormous because this work has the potential to be both personally and societally transformative, helping to mend generational trauma into the future.

Wiedergutmachung

When I speak to American audiences about repair and reconciliation, I often refer to the German word Wiedergutmachung: which is defined as redress, reparation, atonement, reconciliation, compensation, the making of amends. And, I like that translated literally into English it means “to make good again”. To me, this captures the best aspirations of what reconciliation can be. Yet, at the recent event at the German Embassy in London, Ambassador Berger expressed his discomfort with the word Wiedergutmachung. Although he did not specify why, I am fairly certain that it is related to the gravity and scale of the Shoah. I believe that his unspoken question was, “How can Germany ever truly ‘make good again’ a relationship that it so thoroughly destroyed?”

Understandably, many people share this sentiment. But, let us remember that the word is WiederGUTmachung. It is not WiederPERFEKTmachung. I believe that there comes a time when people – even in the most difficult cases - are ready to take steps toward some vision of reconciliation. And, I believe, as many of you who are here today do, that now is the time that these young shoots of reconciliation can finally begin to receive the nurturing that they need to take hold in the soil.

If the reconciliation movement in Germany is anything like the racial reconciliation movement in the United States, I can tell you that the individuals in this room represent a small fraction of an enormous unfulfilled yearning of people who are seeking a pathway into this reconciliation work. There are large numbers of people who are curious and are looking for safe spaces like this one to engage in these discussions but have difficulty finding them.

What we have been a part of this weekend, especially if journalists, advocates and activists will carry our message beyond these walls, can serve to jumpstart these conversations on a broader scale. We are setting that example for others. We are providing that pathway into this work. We are saying to like-minded individuals and institutions, public and private, “Look at the discussions that we are having. This reconciliation work is actually taking place. We encourage you to join us.”

Reconciliation: a journey, not a destination

If I can leave you with anything, let it be this. Reconciliation is a journey, not a destination. We must continue to move forward and strengthen our efforts – now and without hesitation. We cannot wait for the perfect moment. It will not arrive. We cannot wait for the stars to align. They will not. We cannot wait for things to be just right. They never will be. If you or others you know feel the desire to learn more, do it. If you or others you know feel the desire to connect, engage.

Which brings me back to my mother-in-law, Ursula. She was someone who embodied the true spirit of reconciliation. She was courageous, open hearted and always assumed good intent, as should we. I know that she would be proud of us. Thank you very much.